covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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