I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
