he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
