The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
