I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
