i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
