I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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