is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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