Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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