Jerry, you need to find god
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
