Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
