I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
ok first of all what the fuck
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
