I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
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