i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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