I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
