I smell stomach acid.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
