yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
