After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
