You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
