My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
