You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
