problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
