Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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