I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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