Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
