I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
