so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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