hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
