to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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