saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
