So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
