A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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