he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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