Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
