When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
