i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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