so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
