so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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