whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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