Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
