I got chris browned last night
Jerry, you need to find god
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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