And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
