Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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