Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
