I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
