I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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