Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
