She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
