Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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