walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
