dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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